Things are good!

Reading over my blog has made me realise what an appalling writer I am! I am not engaging in any way. I have read a couple of blogs in my time and so many people have such a beautiful way with words I should really try to make more of an effort to write well when I do get the time to make an entry. I am tempted to make a new blog, and make it more of a literary delight (haha) but that would defeat the point of the blog itself. From studenthood to adulthood is supposed to refelect the changes that have happened in my life and the changes that have happened to me as a person.

The last few weeks have been quite good. Despite making a real pigs ear of my NHS interview, which I am now certain I haven't got. I am feeling quite happy in myself. I am still trying to find ways to become closer to God so there is a lot of thinking going on, but it is all very positive. I have spoken to my OH about how I feel about wanting to become a more dedicated Christian and he is being very understanding. I felt that it would be almost cruel to take certain things away after giving them freely for the last 3 years but he seems to be managing well for now! With regards to our living arrangements. I also told him how I no longer felt it was right for us to co-habit. He is also suprisingly okay with this also! (Alarm bells ringing?! Haha) I really hope he is able to take my faith seriously and respect it always.

This obviously all means quite a lot for our relationship. It is not possible for us to change living arrangments at the moment, but we will only be living together for another 11 weeks, then I plan to house share or potentially (If I am earning enough money) live in a studio apartment, but the cost of living is so high these days particularly living alone. It makes it nearly impossible for any young graduate supporting themselves to do. Anyway, I digress. Our relationship is going to change a lot. We have lived together for the last 2 years, and I have loved every minute of it. So it will be so strange not eating meals with him, coming home to him, waking up next to him every morning, rolling over in bed and his big nose sticking out at me. To be honest I will be VERY eagerly anticipating the day we can start that all again, but right now, isn't as it should be.

We have been so good the last few weeks. So happy, and I love him with all my heart, so I really do hope God guides us and we can one day soon have our relationship blessed in his presence.

Questioning everything

I am now questioning everything that I thought I once knew. Including my relationship, and how happy I am. Don't get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for, but I think some things definitley need to change for our relationship to get back to where it should be. Don't get me wrong. It isn't bad, it just could be better. Hopefully I will get some guidance, but at this stressful time, it is difficult to see how we can make time or room for change, and if we don't do it before we stop living together the the transition may be so much harder.

I need to go now.I have a VERY important interview on Monday that I must prepare for. I really do hope it goes well.

Dilemmna

Obiously my previous post has been about my spiritual enlightenment. But now I am facing the difficult problem of my relationship. Which breaks some of the most important rules of Gods will. What do I do? Can I go back?

I don't think we should be living together after uni. God wants me to do thigs properly I feel. And it is so strange that I suddenly feel this way but I think it is right. Not living together shouldn't be a problem for Max, because he thinks it will be good for me anyway. But the point of lack af cohabitation is also no sex before marriage. How are we supposed to go back on that? I am just not sure, how it will all work.

*Sigh* - no one said spiritual enlightenment would be easy. Turning away from sin isn't supposed to be easy. It is being sinful that is easy.

Spiritual Englightenment

I have had an amazing last 4 months and met some amazig people. Let me start with what is relevant to to the title. As crazy as it may begin to sound. To me I have realised something wonderful.

My OH plays waterpolo, and is good friends with a team mate. Lets call him D. His team mate has a girlfriend, called S. They are the most amazing people and for a very special reason and have brought something very special into my life.

That special thing is God, ridculous for some maybe. But I have always been a strong believer in God, but not a true follower. I have never made a conscious effort to fill my heart with Gods love. And I think that God has shown himself to me through D. Which is a bit of a compliment for D, but I haven't told him what he has brought me of course, sometimes I get confused and feel like I owe him so much and love him for bringing God back into my life, but it is God that I love, and God that I owe, my life to. It is really strange. REALLY strange. I have made a conscious effort to reads the bible when I was a teenager, but I never kept it up or thought about how important it is to always have God in your heart. I feel like I have opened my heart to him now. And I need to work every single day towards keeping my heart open to God and allowing him to work through me in me and with me.

I have started reading the scriptures. I think this will help me immensley, and I am also going to go and speak to my priest. Which will be hard for me but I am sure God will give me the strength to go to worship him in Church because it is so important to take that time out every week (as well as personally every day). To remember why we are here and i whose light we need to live our life.

I WILL keep God in my heart. I always try to lie my life in Gods light and I feel so blessed to have been sent D by God to bring him into my heart.

UPDATE

So I dissappeared for a while...sorry!

I will just give a quick run down of where my life is at right now. I got a job for the summer and worked in Bath alone the entire time. Pretty grim, but it paid the bills and allowed me to brighten up my wardrobe for the first time in a long while. I worked with a bitch...job was easy not much else to say about that.

OH and I are having a bit of a rough time at the moment, the summer was a strain for us. He was quite franky a bit of a twat but we are trying to get through it. I called a break 2 days ago though because I am feeling really neglected and I think things need to change. Relationships eh.

I have been ill for the last 3 weeks and am just trying to get back on track of things. I think I might do a week in the life....as of tomorrow. To show where I am with my life.

Also me and OH had sex on Monday and I thought that I ovulated this morning, which is obviously a bit high risk 4dbo. It wasn't completely definite that I did ovulate though, because it was kind of while I was alseep. I will have to see if I feel myself ovulate this weekend or not.

x~Olive~x

2nd Driving Test and General Election

I PASSED!!!!!!!!! :)

I had a ledgend of an examiner and I passed with 8 minors, the drive was awful in comparison to my first test. I had an awfully shaky leg when I did my bay park at the beginning but it was fine. Then on the drive my gears were quite bad, I kept forgetting to change to 1st when stopping at the roundabouts at the last minuite! I also forgot to check my blidspot when pulling away at one point and goodold george just did a good old head gesture to remind me, and then pulled me over again to check! I also tried to do a hill start in neutral lol, so rolled a tiny bit, but sorted it out straight away. My other manouver was turn in the road which was perfect as usual. At roundabouts I took a small gap twice which my driving instructor would have slammed the breaks on for, but he just gave me a minor for observation lol. So all is good, and I can now drive for life which is odd! I think I am going to insure my car, If i can get my parents to do it for the summer and then I take over. Exciting!

I have finished all my essays, which were all rushed, so I am annoyed with myself but they weren't horrendus (except one which was 500 words short) , I am such an idiot.I won't know what they are worth for a while so i may as well just focus on revision.

I am convincing myself I am pregnant again which is stupid!!! I am most probably not, I am just symptom spotting but it is doing my head in, I got away from it for a good few months, and this month it is back with a vengance.

My OH has gone back home because hehas to get his jabs and it is his mothers Birthday tomorrow. I miss him already! I hate going to bed alone. I have lots to write about the summer and the OH which I will do shortly but for now I am going to bed! Night

x~Olive~x

Welll....

I failed my driving test. I am not angry, lots of people fail when they are perfectly good drivers, it just is painful because I am going to have to starve a little bit more than what I was going to before which was practically to the point of death anyway, so we shall see how that goes. It will begin very soon no doubt because I have £30 left on my credit card (which i will have to use for conact lenses) £30 cash and I am still £160 short of rent and bills for the summer. Well not even the entire summer, just until start of August. I need to find another £160 like I said for then and then another £250 for rent by start of Sept.

I can't do much admin work because I need to keep my nose to the grindstone if I want to get anywhere near a 2.1 his semester so quite frankly how I am going to solve this situation is a mystery. For now, I just need to get my 2.1 there is food in the house to last about 2 weeks ish, then we shall have to go from there. There are los of misc. things I need though like bus tickets, so I genuinely don't have any cash already. I really wanted to go to the summer ball aswell but tickets are £35 so I suppose that is out of the question :(

I'm going to go and get on with the task of getting something ou of this 3 years of porperness Byeeee x