Things are good!

Reading over my blog has made me realise what an appalling writer I am! I am not engaging in any way. I have read a couple of blogs in my time and so many people have such a beautiful way with words I should really try to make more of an effort to write well when I do get the time to make an entry. I am tempted to make a new blog, and make it more of a literary delight (haha) but that would defeat the point of the blog itself. From studenthood to adulthood is supposed to refelect the changes that have happened in my life and the changes that have happened to me as a person.

The last few weeks have been quite good. Despite making a real pigs ear of my NHS interview, which I am now certain I haven't got. I am feeling quite happy in myself. I am still trying to find ways to become closer to God so there is a lot of thinking going on, but it is all very positive. I have spoken to my OH about how I feel about wanting to become a more dedicated Christian and he is being very understanding. I felt that it would be almost cruel to take certain things away after giving them freely for the last 3 years but he seems to be managing well for now! With regards to our living arrangements. I also told him how I no longer felt it was right for us to co-habit. He is also suprisingly okay with this also! (Alarm bells ringing?! Haha) I really hope he is able to take my faith seriously and respect it always.

This obviously all means quite a lot for our relationship. It is not possible for us to change living arrangments at the moment, but we will only be living together for another 11 weeks, then I plan to house share or potentially (If I am earning enough money) live in a studio apartment, but the cost of living is so high these days particularly living alone. It makes it nearly impossible for any young graduate supporting themselves to do. Anyway, I digress. Our relationship is going to change a lot. We have lived together for the last 2 years, and I have loved every minute of it. So it will be so strange not eating meals with him, coming home to him, waking up next to him every morning, rolling over in bed and his big nose sticking out at me. To be honest I will be VERY eagerly anticipating the day we can start that all again, but right now, isn't as it should be.

We have been so good the last few weeks. So happy, and I love him with all my heart, so I really do hope God guides us and we can one day soon have our relationship blessed in his presence.

Questioning everything

I am now questioning everything that I thought I once knew. Including my relationship, and how happy I am. Don't get me wrong, I have so much to be thankful for, but I think some things definitley need to change for our relationship to get back to where it should be. Don't get me wrong. It isn't bad, it just could be better. Hopefully I will get some guidance, but at this stressful time, it is difficult to see how we can make time or room for change, and if we don't do it before we stop living together the the transition may be so much harder.

I need to go now.I have a VERY important interview on Monday that I must prepare for. I really do hope it goes well.

Dilemmna

Obiously my previous post has been about my spiritual enlightenment. But now I am facing the difficult problem of my relationship. Which breaks some of the most important rules of Gods will. What do I do? Can I go back?

I don't think we should be living together after uni. God wants me to do thigs properly I feel. And it is so strange that I suddenly feel this way but I think it is right. Not living together shouldn't be a problem for Max, because he thinks it will be good for me anyway. But the point of lack af cohabitation is also no sex before marriage. How are we supposed to go back on that? I am just not sure, how it will all work.

*Sigh* - no one said spiritual enlightenment would be easy. Turning away from sin isn't supposed to be easy. It is being sinful that is easy.

Spiritual Englightenment

I have had an amazing last 4 months and met some amazig people. Let me start with what is relevant to to the title. As crazy as it may begin to sound. To me I have realised something wonderful.

My OH plays waterpolo, and is good friends with a team mate. Lets call him D. His team mate has a girlfriend, called S. They are the most amazing people and for a very special reason and have brought something very special into my life.

That special thing is God, ridculous for some maybe. But I have always been a strong believer in God, but not a true follower. I have never made a conscious effort to fill my heart with Gods love. And I think that God has shown himself to me through D. Which is a bit of a compliment for D, but I haven't told him what he has brought me of course, sometimes I get confused and feel like I owe him so much and love him for bringing God back into my life, but it is God that I love, and God that I owe, my life to. It is really strange. REALLY strange. I have made a conscious effort to reads the bible when I was a teenager, but I never kept it up or thought about how important it is to always have God in your heart. I feel like I have opened my heart to him now. And I need to work every single day towards keeping my heart open to God and allowing him to work through me in me and with me.

I have started reading the scriptures. I think this will help me immensley, and I am also going to go and speak to my priest. Which will be hard for me but I am sure God will give me the strength to go to worship him in Church because it is so important to take that time out every week (as well as personally every day). To remember why we are here and i whose light we need to live our life.

I WILL keep God in my heart. I always try to lie my life in Gods light and I feel so blessed to have been sent D by God to bring him into my heart.